Ghostwriter's Slur

Published on February 25, 2005 By TaBoo Tenente In Writing

Ghostwriting is a terrible way to live, but there's all sorts of crap people do to pay the bills. First of all, some of us have what's called a "faulty decision-maker". We believe we have greatness inside, and we don't want to spoil the deal. The theory then goes on to describe how sinking into a couch, while holding a soggy beer cozy that sports the logo, '"Welcome to Moronville, population: YOU" in your hand leads to greatness more readily than seeking gainful employment.

Some of us, on the other hand, have some inkling of what we want. I do. Nevertheless, I've cleaned the nasties off the walls and bathroom tiles of by-the-hour motel rooms, and I've inserted catheters for a very intelligent, paralyzed young man who knew he was going to die. Most recently, I ran the foster care system for adults with developmental disabilities in my county.

In the under-funded, uninterested state of Oregon, this last one was the worst. Beyond the consistent cases of gross negligence or the outlandish, highly-common instances of physical and sexual abuse enacted by care providers, the simple, unbelievable fact remains that citizens of my glorious state refused, for the second year running, to support a measure that would fund developmental disabilities- and mental health support (two divisions, two budgets) along with financing for five day school weeks for kids everywhere (yeah, I said five day weeks). My job was secure; but when the second measure was dismissed with distinction, twenty percent of patients in our county’s mental ward (the figure was different in other counties) were summarily ejected, sans guardian, sans housing. In my county, one client was killed by the end of the first week.

So it goes. There’s a point I’m trying to make–something to do with hearing, then accepting your calling–but I haven’t reached that point in this blather, yet.

I studied English and completed an honors thesis of short fiction as an undergraduate. That was many years ago. Since then, as you may have successfully deduced, I social-worked my way through an era spanning a hair’s breadth under a decade. During several disjointed periods of the decade, I traveled around the United States and Canada, followed Mediterranean Europe from Portugal to Greece. I armed myself only with a backpack, a train pass, a hefty yet compact Lonely Planet Travel Guide (the real bible), an inspiration to travel alone, and my notebooks. I wrote. That was the point–or so I thought.

I fled the expensive world of Holy Week in Spain only to plunge headlong into a more expensive version of Holy Week in Italy. Even my Lonely Planet did not know that the week takes place on different weeks in these countries. Later, of course, I would discover that the celebration continues for an additional week in Greece, as well. By the time I had spent a week in Italy, I had spent a week in Italy without shelter or food. I could not afford anything beyond a small room and a pepperoni sandwich from a bar, on my first and only night in Venice. Ever after, I ate potato chips and slept standing on overcrowded night trains, heavy hiker’s pack strapped to my back, from one part of Italy to another. I took the longest, uninterrupted routes for better sleeping.

In Brindisi, Italy, while involved in a moderately kosher breaking-and-entering (I was locked out of a hostel) the local sleaze stole my backpack and all writings contained therein. I collapsed, sat frozen mentally and physically on a thin bunk mattress for a day and a half. Then I met Lizardo, a fugitive from Santiago, Chili, and after using the remainder of my money to purchase a boat ticket, we ferried on to Greece, to Cyprus, and eventually to Haifa where I ate good, cheap falafel and met a shockingly robust woman.

But I left my will to write in Italy, and I was quit for good–yes, for almost an entire decade I silenced myself, pondered fate and free will–until this last job for the county unlocked my tongue. So I’m back to it again, writing and wondering how I can make it pay the bills.

I picked up a despicable contract, recently, and I’ve written more articles than I can really say–during February alone. Ghostwriting articles forces you to slur your words, lose the content, dribble out a line when you’d rather say something else. Around the World Wide Web, many, many articles decorate a small business front page, with no author’s name signed below. I don’t even know where they are. I couldn’t locate them if I tried.

But I’m writing again. I don’t remember the name of my couch (there was a name, I think). I drink beer from an uncozied bottle that sports the logo “King of Beers”; and, did you know, if you honestly and unequivocally try hard enough, you can taste the uniquely Beechwood-aged savory undertones? And I’ve learned by taking this absurdly unpredictable path that writing was the point. Isn’t that funny? I discovered that writing was the point, after all. And I have dead and abused and Italian people to thank for reminding me.

Copyright ©2004, ©2005, ©2006 Joshua Suchman. All rights reserved.
Taboo's Ezine Navigator: Article Index
Taboo Tenente: A Thinker's MFA Journey - Home
The Phallic Suggestion
Stone Soup Blog Forum

Comments

TaBoo Tenente

on Feb 25, 2005

very true.

it took me a while to decide to believe, as they say. eeking out a living can be difficult, though.

kingbee

on Feb 25, 2005

My job was secure; but when the second measure was dismissed with distinction, twenty percent of patients in our county’s mental ward (the figure was different in other counties) were summarily ejected, sans guardian, sans housing. In my county, one client was killed by the end of the first week

governor reagan's body lies a-moulderin in the grave,
but his toll keeps mounting up.
--battle hymn of the republican

kingbee

on Feb 25, 2005

But I left my will to write in Italy, and I was quit for good–yes, for almost an entire decade I silenced myself, pondered fate and free will–until this last job for the county unlocked my tongue. So I’m back to it again, writing and wondering how I can make it pay the bills

after years of voracious reading, i realized in mid 98, i was into my 4th year of not being able to read anything more than whatever was required to complete whatever project i'd accepted to pay bills. i'd finished 2 of the 4 books i'd started and could barely handle the front page of the local paper. it's gotten better (thanks in no small part to ju), but i anything more than the newspaper is still too daunting. (sadly, i have no problem with the ingredients list on any box that winds up on a table in front of me.)

i look at ghostwriting (altho this may not be true for you but..)as the equivalent of an athlete being paid to go to the gym.

(while i'd prolly do it again, the most painful gig i ever had was scripting an 'educational' video for a urologist who specialized in penile implants...something to show prospective patients. i had my legs crossed so tightly for the duration, i'm still amazed im able to walk.

)

TaBoo Tenente

on Feb 25, 2005

yikes! i give up.

it's good to hear from someone else whos picked up contracts like this . . . though notably different material. may is ask you some questions?

do you have some sort of writing degree? do you freelance, still, or do you have a regular gig? any ideas on where to pick up more legit contracts? as you can see, i havent spent a lot of time accumulating clips that i can send with apps, so my cover letters look fairly naked.

thanks for the responses, as always, kingbee.

tbt

kingbee

on Feb 26, 2005

altho i have written and sold some fiction, it's much easier to sell out in favor of advertising and promotional stuff.

i'm still freelancing altho i now provide a broader range of services (not limited to writing copy) to few clients with whom i work almost exclusively.

of those, one utilizes most of my available time. in effect, i'm sorta like an inhouse creative/marketing department (or a contract agency). his business' primary marketing device is an annual catalog. last year the website and e-store that i created and maintain appears to have funneled in more order dollar volume than the entire company was doing a dozen years ago. i write policy statements, rough out contracts, collaborate on business letters, maintain his mailing lists, etc.

when i first started free-lancing, i did some very specialized (and very strange) promotional/pr and marketing gigs for a couple major studios (sounds much more ummm conventional hahahah than it was).

i completed the equivalent of two years (over about 4 years) of undergrad work working sorta cautiously towards a degree in english/humanities. based on my limited experience applying for employment at agencies, ive concluded without a degree or a good connection, it likely aint gonna happen--with or without a portfolio and/or decent resume.

a good portfolio in combination with a good first meet (at which you gotta be scanning constantly to determine what your potential new client really does and really wants while simultaneously establishing yourself and--hopefully--managing to toss out a couple possible themes based on what youre being told) can open doors for you. if the situation originates as a referral, that goes double.

TaBoo Tenente

on Feb 26, 2005

let me ask you this (and thanks for all the advice, by the way): did you pick up your gigs responding to an advertisment, or did you make pitch on your own? in person or on-line?

i'm also primarily--or originally--a fiction guy, and my contract portfolio is pretty slim. im not sure who to approach to write copy, or how to situate myself as a competent writer for companies who advertise these positions. are you actually contracted to a local business? how did you pick up that job?

sorry to pester you with questions; you've been very helpful. i've been looking for any tips or leads, and you've provided the most detailed assistance i've received so far. any advice would be overwhelmingly appreciated.

tbt

kingbee

on Feb 27, 2005

did you pick up your gigs responding to an advertisment, or did you make pitch on your own? in person or on-line?

the answer to all four is yes, but...

most ads seeking the services of a writer/editor to assist with a specific project--other than those you may find in trade publications--turn out to involve working totally on spec or as a collaborator. if the concept is a good one, the advertisor is able and willing to work on a payment for product schedule you can live with and there's some verifiable likelihood of commercial success in the foreseeable future that works to your benefit, cool. those sort are very few and far between in my experience--and i'd insist on a signed contract before investing much time or effort.

i've replied to 'help wanted' ads placed by companies wishing to hire fulltime editors & writers, not applying for the position, but offering my services as an alternative (temporary or otherwise). the best i can say about that is: a. it doesnt take a lotta effort. b. of the very few responses i received (like 3 out of possibly 100?), one paid off with a gig. i havent done it in a while though; conditions might be more favorable today (it appears employers are more open to contracting) and if i were you, i'd give it a shot.

face-to-face is always the best venue for a pitch, of course. it's also the most frustrating if youre dealing with some shining star in the entertainment industry (famous for meetings in which you appear, are told your concept sets a new standard all others fail to meet and are then asked to present the entire thing cuz as it turns out the person on the other side of the desk hasnt actually read whatever it is you submitted originally hahahah).

there's a reason why a writer (rather than a practicioner of some other profession at random) first formally identified and explained the condition known as 'catch-22'. it's a force that impacts all lives at some point but not nearly as frustratingly as it does writers.

in other words, the best way to get a gig is through referrals; and the way to get referrals is having successfully completed a project.

not the only way, fortunately. don't discount your writing here, for example. if nothing else, it demonstrates your ability to put words on paper in a way that can be understood, and ultimately that's what counts.

if youre cool with providing me with an email address, i'll be more than happy to discuss all of this in greater detail with you.

TaBoo Tenente

on Feb 27, 2005

thanks yet again, kingbee.

my email address is tenente101@yahoo.com. if this thread sinks quickly, i post a contact link on my, er, blog page? home page? whatever. it's there.

if you get a chance and would be willing to fill in some of what youve already discussed, id probably wet myself--lets call that a good thing for the sake of making a point--and maybe let me know how youve made a successful pitch.

thanks, man.

tbt

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!