)Let's say my bowels have moved profusely. How much toilet paper do I use? To fold or to wad? With the grain, like sanding wood, or against the grain, like slicing tender beef? Toward the front, or toward the back?

Fold, and front to back.  Wow, that's a real ice-breaking conversation there, huh?

2)It's shaving time. Do I shave in the shower, or after? Can I shave when I haven't taken a shower? Do I shave down or up? Can I do both? Is it okay to leave the shadow on my cheeks, or is this an indication of poor shaving technique? Cold or hot water on the razor? How many rounds is a Mach 3Turbo good for, before I should throw it away? What the hell is "after shave" good for, anyway?

YOu can shave pretty much anytime, any way you like. Personally, I like a coupla days growth.....and the aftershave is to help close your pores and mae chikkas like me go all weak at the knees because you smell good......

3)Why can't I grow a mustache? I'm the king of neck beards, but what's wrong with that upper lip?

Depends...on how old you are, your ethnic heritage etc etc.

4)Is eyebrow plucking just for women? What about hair gel? What about hair driers?

All very much gender indifferent products. 

5)Why the hell can't I dance? Is it one of those things where either you can do it or you can't? Do I need to take lessons? People say "Just go out there, TBT. Everyone is making a fool of themselves." If I just went out there, would I be making more of a fool of myself than other people?

Just go dance.  Speaking from experience, chicks are more likely to dog a dude that will make an effort on the dance floor. Look at it like a pre-cursor to sex....that you're willing to make an effort is a good thing.

6)How many times per day should I think about posture? Supper table? Walking to work? Writing on my computer?

All day, every day.  Hard I know, but worth it.  'specially if you're on the short side.

7)Does everybody floss?

I dunno bout everybody, but I do.

8)When I'm in bed with my girlfriend, how far can creativity take me?

As far as you want it to........

9)Who reads the books on the NY Times bestsellers list? They suck, don't they?

In my experience, yes.

10)Is it okay to talk to the strangers I pass on the street when I'm walking?

Yes.

11)Should I ask out the young woman serving me omelettes at the Flying Saucer?

Yes (and it took a lot for me to say that)...i'll explain later.

12)Sometimes I like to wear the same jeans for three and a half weeks in a row. Is this really so bad?

Not to me, but I'm from the grunge era when stuff like that was the norm.

13)What's more important: paying bills on time, cooking supper for your girlfriend, or remembering to take out the trash after she's asked you to?

Trash.  Definately.

14)Do I really need to use a comb or a brush?

No, fingers do just as well if you've got shorter hair.

15)Should I be embarrassed when I buy (a) condoms, ( Playboy, (c) bodywash, (d) the spongy thingie for the bodywash?

No.

16)Why do my shoelaces always get untied?

cos you don't tie them right in the first place.

17)Is it okay to stare, just a little bit, at pretty women? If I'm single? If I'm dating? If I have a serious girlfriend? If I'm married?

Yes, yes, yes!!

18)Pick-up lines don't work, do they?

Not very often.

19)Everyone picks a nose sometimes, right?

Yep.

20)Is there a way to learn how to smile more brightly, more nicely, less sarcastically?

I have struggled with this my whole life......and I don't know that I have mastered it yet.

Email me and I'll explain.  I'm not sure that I want to lay it all out on the open here just yet....

I ride either commado or with a thong in jeans as well.....and those wipes are a freakin' godsend, I tell ya!