Taboo's Junk Trunk: A Storage Dump for Taboo's Random Literary and Cultural Blatherments
Okay. I am new to this category, new to JoeUser, actually, and I am not sure who writes what or where. But I have no doubt whatsoever that the time to discuss pizza is now.
Toppings are essential. Cheese blends bring complexity and beauty to any pizza.

Nevertheless, I believe very strongly that pizza crust is the heart, and pizza sauce is the soul of every pie we make.

Those of you who have never made your own pizza pie, please: your life, while filled with good intentions and good deeds, is incomplete. To make pizza is to create love. For those of you who could use a lesson or two on making love...er. Let's just stick to pizza. Those of you familiar with pizza creation, stick with me.

This article is Part I: Crust. A free crust recipe for anyone who guesses Part II.

Crust: Some of the most serious pizza aficionados in the world are lousy cooks; more accurately, they are non-cooks. Perhaps college life prevented you from learning the art, meanwhile instilling you with a deep-seeded, nostalgic love for pizza (I still know the number for Road Runner's, my local college delivery joint).

But trust me: a beginner can master CRUST, with a only a little practice. You've already got the passion.

There's only two tools needed, and with $15 you can acquire them. A pizza stone and pizza peel, often sold together, will change your your life. I recommend purchasing them separately, only because you want a sufficiently large peel to create sufficiently large pizzas.

A pizza stone is a sort of hot plate. They make them from different materials, but I wouldn't worry at it too much for now. Just make certain that the stone is round (personal preference, I guess. I've eaten delicious rectangle pizzas, don't get me wrong, but think how much better they would be if they were round?) and large enough to hold a 12-14" pizza.

Pizza pans are good to hold your pizzas when you're finished cooking them. Please do not think pans make the same delicious crusts as stones. Specifically, stones cook crusts evenly and absorb outer moisture, and also retain pizza flavor over time. Pans conduct heat less evenly and tend to create part-soggy, part-burnt crusts at the same time. If you've tried to make pizza and your crust is too chewy or too crunchy, or cooks at a different pace than the rest of your pizza, now you know the problem. Get the stone.

Later, we can worry at bricks and tiles. Let's keep it simple, for now.

A pizza peel is both your creation surface and your tool for transfer. After placing cornmeal on the surface of the peel (please, no flour!) you will quickly place your rolled-dough on the peel. After constructing your delicious, saucy goodness, you use the peel to shovel the pizza onto the pizza stone, which is happily warming itself in the oven already. That's all you need...

Except for one thing: The Recipe. Usually my name finishes the label, as in The Recipe TaBooTenente. But my name is not TaBooTenente and I am in no way willing to profane The Recipe with a false handle. And I'm about to give it to you in exchange for pizza. I'm not sure how you will arrange this one, but if you enjoy this crust as much as I believe you will, and the ease of its creation, maybe you will find the inspiration to create a way for me to eat your delicious pizza. Please do not profane The Recipe by labeling it falsely. Crust-makers: pizza is karma; karma is pizza. This is the honor system, folks. I'll say no more.

The Recipe
Crust-Making is about the ratio. I'm going to give you the ratio, but you will surely find that occasionally too much of this or that finds its way into the the brew. So it goes. Only a little practice will show you how to pinch a bit more of this or that to find a cosmic balance. Ready? We're about to make tremendous crust, enough for two 12"ish incredible pies. Let's get to it:

Building Blocks
(1)4+cups of unbleached, all-purpose flour (avoid wheat flour, or your ratio will, sadly, be ruined)*
(2)1 1/2 cups water, ALMOST hot
(3)3+TBSP olive oil ---there's the ratio---*
(4)2 packets dry, active yeast
(5)2 tsp honey
(6)1/2 to 1 1/2 tsp. salt mixture (keep it closer to 1/2 until you've tried it--use kosher salt, onion salt, garlic salt....)
(7) 1 large palmful Grated/ Shredded Parmesan,*
(8) 1 large palmful Cornmeal*
**NOTES**7) and (8) are optional, but delicious. If you use them, please add a drop or two extra oil, a drop or two extra water. The (+*) next to flour and oil refer to the fact that you will need some of both to assist you at other steps in the process.

Stairway to Heaven
Get out all of the above items before beginning, okay?
(1)Measure out 1 cup almost-hot water, and set aside in drinking glass (almost hot means no steaming, you could keep your finger in it for awhile, but with even just a tad more heat, you're flinching.
(2)Measure out an additional 1/2 cup almost-hot water and leave in measuring cup.
(3)Add 2 tsp honey to measuring cup. Stir.
(4)Add 2 packets yeast to measuring cup. Stir, keeping as much yeast in the water (not on spoon) as possible. Set aside.
(5)Add 4 cups flour to large mixing bowl.
(6)Add parmesan, cornmeal, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with hands.
(7)Make a divot in the center of the flour. Add water from drinking glass, 3TBSP olive oil to divot (don't worry about accuracy, here).
(8)Look at measuring cup. Yeast should have risen to twice original mass (about 1cup, now). If yeast hasn't risen, most likely the water was too cold; possibly too hot. Stir. Add yeast/honey/water to mixing bowl.
(9)Mix. I recommend mixing initially with a wooden spoon, making sure to scrape in the flour at the bottom and sides of bowl. Then forget the spoon and use your hands. Squeeze, pinch, claw, scoop, turn, fold, and whatever other dance steps you can dream up. After a minute or two you're going to have DOUGH!! Knead it a little more, 1-2 minutes. Depending on the exactness of your ratio and the humidity in the air, your dough should be somewhat sticky, and heavy. Shape into a ball.
(10)Briefly remove ball from bowl, in order to quickly clean (no soap, please) the bowl. Make sure it is completely dry. Then use a few drips of olive oil to coat the entire surface of the bowl. Place dough ball at the bottom of the bowl, and with just a drop or two, oil the top surface of the dough.
(11)Cover bowl with dry towel, and put it in a dry location such as an oven, shut off. Let dough rise for 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Halfway through the rising, punch dough ball to release air, and fold once.
(12)Lightly sprinkle flour on a counter, and lightly, but thoroughly, sprinkle cornmeal on your nearby-pizza peel.
(13)Remove bowl from oven, and immediately place stone in oven. Bake at 450-475 degrees F.
(14)Knead dough on counter. If the dough is too sticky, the flour on the counter should knead into the dough, creating a balance. If the dough is too dry, or cracks easily, add a little olive oil. Knead for 2 minutes, then cut dough into two equal pieces. Return one to the mixing bowl, and re-cover.
(15)Shape the other piece into a ball. Sprinkle flour onto a rolling pin(rolling pin isn't necessary, but I highly recommend one) and roll out dough in long firm strokes, turning dough 45degrees regularly. Try to make the dough very thin, like the thickness of a quarter. It will continue to rise, trust me. Shape into circle as closely as possible, very thin, and transfer with your hands to the cornmealed pizza peel. Fold outer edge over, and knead it into itself, perfecting your pizza circle, and creating the outer crust for your pie. Now lightly oil dough again, very lightly. Add sauce and toppings. Feel free to oil outer edge of pizza.
(16)Very carefully slide/shake pizza from peel into oven, onto the heated stone. Bake for 7-10 minutes. Meanwhile, prepare your other pizza. Monitor the baking process. Your pizza is ready when the crust is a golden brown, and the cheese has melted into a single bubbly surface. Using oven mits (!!) remove stone and transfer pizza to a cooling pan or plate. Return stone to oven and repeat process with second pizza. I let each pizza cool for about 3-4 minutes before cutting, or the cheese will tear and distort too easily...sometimes I can't wait.

I wish I were you, enjoying this pizza for the first time. Good bye pot-pies, bachelors. Whip this crust up with a delicious sauce and bring heaven to your table.

Good luck,

TBT
Copyright ©2004, ©2005, ©2006 Joshua Suchman. All rights reserved.
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Comments
on Nov 22, 2004
This is interesting. Thanks for sharing. My kids and I will have to try this out.
on Nov 22, 2004
You'll love it. And it's relatively easy, even if I broke it down into about a billion steps!

TBT
on Nov 22, 2004

I love love love hand-made pizza.  I make my own crust dough (by hand), and am the proud owner of a very well seasoned pizza stone - I won't use anything else now.  Even store bought frozen pizzas get cooked on that stone.


Here's my tip about making your own pizza: remember that things migrate towards the center when cooking, so don't overload the middle of your pizza with raw ingredients or you'll end up with singed edges and a raw center.  If anything, be a little heavy handed with your toppings on the outside of the pie.


There really isn't anything quite like home-made pizza.  My personal favorite is 3 cheese (parmesan, provelone and romano) mushroom and onion.  Yummy!!

on Nov 22, 2004
Wanna know a great recipe...

Zucchini and potato pizza... with some pesto... nothing like it!

also

making the crust and filling it with ingerdients and making it into a pocket pizza... that's really yum as well!

Great article!
on Nov 22, 2004
Mmmm.

There's another great pizza crust recipe I know where you use potato in the dough....it takes a long time, but it is definitely worth it.

Oh, yeah, Phoenix, you are absolutely right about pizza pockets. This recipe is good for two huge calzones...though you need to fry them up instead of baking them.. .well, actually, now that I think about it, you might be able to bake them. Huh.

Do you ever stuff the crust edges with gooey cheeses or garlic sauce? Oh, lord. Your whole house smells like love after one of those.

Dharma: Thanks for bringing up the balance. In fact, I completely apologize for not bringing it up, myself. 100% true, although people who feel they must use pizza pans instead of a stone should be careful about loading up the edges or your crust will rip! That is a sad, sad day when that happens.

Hey Little_Whip, I don't blame you one bit for making use of delivery. 719-636-2112. I haven't used that one in eight years and it's still carved into my heart. But try this: make the dough (putting it together only takes 10-15min) let it rise, cut it in half, and freeze it! It defrosts in no time, and post- topping placement, you've got less than 10 minutes until saucy, yummy goodness!

And I wonder....

I used to be a pizza snob. You know, just because a pizza tasted good, didn't mean it was a good pizza. Yep. Take the delicious pineapple, for instance. Everyone knows how immoral it is to put pineapple on pizza....but it tastes SO GOOD! What turned me around was this realization: sauce controls your life, not toppings! It's true. You can make the sauce sweet or robust, spicy like pepper or spicy like garlic and all hell is breaking loose. Sometimes you can even use non-tomato sauces. For a pineapple pizza you need a think, sweet, oniony sauce with very ripe tomatoes. UngrrrMMMMM.

Yeah.

TBT